Words cannot describe how i felt
When they beat and raped you,
When they took my kids away from me,
When they made my love a slave of their lust
I stood there forced to watch and couldn’t do anything.
They stripped me of my manhood.
You were my most prized possession,
losing you was like losing myself!!
It’s almost as if I am already dead.

My beautiful Queen,
it kills me to look in your eyes and see such hate towards me.
It angers me that I couldn’t protect and provide for you.
I was deprogrammed!!
I was taught that I was lazy,
worthless and not capable of being a man.
Watching you suffer is almost as if Franc won.
They turned us against each other
Self-hatred is all we know!

We are scared of our own reflections!
Although physically I’m free now,
I’m still enslaved in my own thoughts and actions.
I feel the lump of pain still unswallowed
I didn’t cry or show emotions because I had to be strong for you.
I had to show that am a little man, a man
My emotions turned into hatred!
Not for you but for myself.
For being unable to meet all your needs,
For being less than you expected,
For making you expect more than I was able to deliver,
For showing ambitions without course
How could I love you when I didn’t even know how to love myself??

But I have to admit
I still have some resentment towards you!
You use my children against me!
You let them rape my Essy,
You subjected my son to sodomy
You ignored me and never gave us a chance when I proposed one
You excelled in life and now you feel that you don’t need me.
Every chance you get, you put me down!
But after a while I realized that I wasn’t the only one deprogrammed,
you were too!!
Franc knew the best way to get to me was through you!
He knew the way to your heart, take her out

My Queen now I’m crying out to you,
I need you!
I can’t and won’t change without you!
I apologize for every tear drop,
I apologize for every lonely moment,
I apologize for every moment you felt out of love
I am ready to take you back
I apologize for every moment you were in doubt about your king.
I am here now!


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