YOU ARE PATIENT

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Deep breaths, as I calm my spirit.
You are so, sickeningly beautiful,
my mind isn’t broad enough to wrap around you.
Perfection should be your middle name,
Or maybe perfectING is more like it,
You’re patient.

You saw me for what I was,
But what I wanted to be mattered more.
You were patient.
A broken shamble in front of your eyes,
but you insisted on cleaning me up.
You were patient.
Trying to fix me is gonna leave you with bloody fingers,
I warned you.
Though I’m easy to laugh with,
I am hard to love,
I told you.
Like a broken frame,
glass lays over something you find so beautiful.
You were patient.

Deep breaths, as I try to gather my thoughts,
I can’t hurt you.
It’s been a journey, or a boxing match, rather..
I am turned into my own corner, arms flailing.
You are so new to me.
You are patient.

No matter how hard the blows are,
you wipe your brow and come back to me,
Arms open; lie here, you say.
You are patient.
Love has never known my name,
and yet you find a way to venture her into my doorstep.
It’s a losing battle, I say.
Love?! Me? You want to LOVE me?
Impossible.
I believe the word you are looking for is impassable,
my dear for nothing is impossible, you say.
You pull me into a wonderland.
This story is a bit different, though.
I’m not an Alice, I’m a Me and we don’t just wander,
not knowing where to go, but still
You are patient.

Soft kisses on my forehead, as you hold my hand.
And you don’t understand why this brings tears to my eyes,
You are so patient.
You beautiful fool, don’t you see?
I will be your ultimate downfall, I tell you.
But your hard-headed; like screaming at my own reflection,
you will not falter.
Deep breaths, as I try to take it all in.
This..
So, this is love?
You kiss me, sucking all the poison from my wounds,
not thinking about what will happen to you.

So, this is love…
Putting my pieces together,
ignoring your bleeding, burning fingertips,
You just want me whole again..
Deep breaths, as I open my eyes…
Let’s try this again, my sweet baby.
You have been patient, long enough.
Take my hand, and let’s do this right.
So, this…
This. Is. Love..

MAZE OF RANGING HILLS

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Feeling lost on this rocky road of my life
Every scar I carry runs deep like a knife
I try to help, nurture, carry, and love
But for myself I possess none of the above
Digging through the rubble to find relief
The breathless struggling leaves me hopeless in disbelief
How do I find myself out of this self-less maze
Finding less of me more often with the passing days
I don’t speak because I pray for my silence to be strength
Running this race, staying in this game, striding every length
My heart cries for peace, my sanity has gone under
Leaving me loving and confused, how I’m here is a wonder
I hate that my pulse quickens and I feel the sweat
Wanting to run, wanting to fight, all while filled with regret
What do you do, what is expected of you?
When the reality is false, and no one seeks truth
I don’t know how to do this, I’ve tried 1,000 times
Every breath I take doesn’t even feel like mine
It transforms into whoever’s in my scheme of life rhymes
My facial expressions down to the way I walk are observed
But when did your opinion, your judgment be the holy verbs
To tell me what I am, tell me what I can’t do
In all this dictating, who’s checking for you?
Last time I checked, you were human too
I guess life happenings and some-odd years
Got you desensitized to others’ weaknesses and fears
No, I don’t always speak up when people think I should
I would shut of my conscience and hurt you too if I could
Maybe if I could feel life through your pain
This love wouldn’t be such a strain
Trying to be that one for you to maintain
They say pain is weakness leaving the body, where is my gain
At any moment I can open my mouth and say
Even if it’s negative, the things you expect me to anyway
It feels like nothing I do is right if one thing is said wrong
I’ve traveled this road before, God why for so long?
I’m scared of loneliness, I hate change
I want my life to be rearranged
I’m not meant for this life, forever in a cage
Peace eludes me in this constant maze of rage.